'Ambition should be made of sterner stuff.'

The journal of Remus Lupin

Remus John Lupin
10 March
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Name- Remus John Lupin.
Year- 6th.
House- Griffindor.

It is a generally known fact that most young people unlucky enough to be bitten by a werewolf either die, or more often commit suicide, before they reach the age of 18. And so, to some, the character and attitude of Remus Lupin would be what can only be described as a mystery.

Bitten at a young age, Remus struggled through transformation after transformation at his home in Cambridge, always aware that the future awaiting every other wizard and witch his age would probably never appear for himself. But his mother, the loud and tenacious witch who had brought Remus up alone, would never allow him to miss out on a place in school which he really deserved. And so Remus was first introduced to Albus Dumbledore, headmaster of Hogwarts school of witchcraft and Wizardry.

After as little as a week, Remus was secured a place among the hundreds of other students being taught at the school and , ‘providing the necessary precautions were in place’, he would finally get the same chances as everyone else.

Yet Remus was lucky enough to land himself in the year that would make him truly happy, with three amazing friends; James Potter, Peter Pettigrew and Sirius Black. By sixth year they had become illegal Animagi and, though Remus still felt guilty towards the headmaster who had given him a chance thousands of others wouldn’t have, full moon finally became that little bit easier. And it seemed that, finally, Remus Lupin would not be joining the percentage of 18 year olds ruined by the same curse.

Remus is really quiet and shy. He often gives the impression of severe niavity but in reality he is intelligent and opinionated, simply without the confidence to believe in anything he thinks. Often he will become addicted to things, attracted to them as a way of escape from a life that is far from the norm. Books tend to be his main retreat as he finds the perfect world within them a loving contrast to his own. Also, somehow, the books he often carries around with him are quiet like him, a shadow of himself; quiet, clever and full of imagination hidden beneath the folds of pages.

Remus particularly loves his friends because they act as a mirror to what he could be had he not had the upbringing that he did. Often bullied as a child for being pale and sick, Remus has a very low self esteem and refuses to beleive that people may infact really care about him. His friends, with their open affection and over-confidence offer Remus a chance to be within a circle of support without having to be in the spotlight which he so despises. Hidden behind his friends Remus can be who he likes and always have people their to love him for his individuality, particularly when they are willing to accept the secret that he is ashamed to keep.

He's often worried about trivial things and keeps people at a careful distance, always concious of the fact that by being his friend they put themselves in danger. Somehow, his quietness is like a defense mechanism, a wish to be silent and still and be as far away from the beast that he becomes once a month.

Kind and caring he's often oblivious to the fact that he has a lovely personality loved be many. He works hard and always to his best, determined that, to get anywhere in life, he has to do everything he can to get over the disadvantage of his condition.

Remus, unike most werewolves is quiet and introvert, not wishing to draw attention to himself lest people will not like him for what he is. Around full moon he often loses a lot of the self control he can normally exercise because, over days of suffering he is too tired and too ill to really think about things in terms of their consequence. Sometimes he dreams about being a werewolf, at times unable to distinguish himself from the wolf that possesses him once a month. Around the time of full moon, therefore, he becomes slightly different; more emotional, more distant, less caring as he desperately tries to deal with the monster always just below the surface.

Some werewolves take an opposite route and become louder, more open, more risk-taking at the time of full moon, something shadowed in Remus' adventures with his maruading friends. But to Remus there is always the constant memory of full moon's passed that reminds him how close he's come before to death and how many times he's struggled to come back from the grasp of the moon's white fingers.

Also, he becomes a lot more protective around the time of the full moon, wishing always to not be putting his friends at risk. He constantly feels guilty for betraying the trust put in him by the Headmaster and sometimes panics about the possibility of what could happen...Of what he could lose if things were for once to go wrong.

The week around full moon is a constant strain on the body of Remus as ever bone and muscle aches and pulls methodiaclly as though on a timer. He loses concentration in classes, doesn't sleep properly and finds it difficult to do anything. He's careful to hide it all, another reason for his distance from his friends around this time, and often people are unaware of the constant dull ache of pain that doesn't stop for the few days each month.

He sometimes feels like crying, not simply because the moon itself makes him emotional and more senitive, but because he becomes so tired of everything that he doesn't know why he bothers going to classes or talking to his friends. It's not so much the fatigue of being awake either, it's more the fact that he can't escape and feel better until the moon has been, beaten him up and left him to recover.

At full moon itself Remus is trapped within the body of a wolf, scratched, battered and bitten so much that he loses himself within the mind of an animal. The transformation itself is terrible, so painful that Remus often passes out during the short time it takes and so horrible that he spends days dreading it, no matter how many times he's gone through the whole process.

Afterwards Remus takes a while to recover, though after a week he is no longer constantly in pain he's still always tired, always pale, always just on the edge of a sickness that won't go away.

Remus understands that it's something he's put up with almost his whole life and something that will continue, every month until the day he dies. The whole thing leads to a very igh pain-threshold and, though not an immuenity to most sickness, at least a means to ignore it through memory of much worse. He sometimes wishes that it would all end, always wishing for just one month off to recover. But he remains happy because he knows that things could always be worse and that his fear of the moon is at least predictable if not pleasant.

Fair skinned and softly featured, Remus has hair that will one day be light brown but, in his teenage years remains the colour of almost-honey, a perfect match to the deep golden eyes that accompany them. He is the colour of autumn, of fallen leaves and darkening skies and only his slightly pale skin, the result of illness that never really leaves, holds hints of the winter that follows.

Even with a worrying addiction to the rich delights of chocolate, he always remains tall and thin and only misses a centimetre or two off the perfect heights of James and Sirius. He doesn’t have the perfection of Sirius’ looks, or the strong quirky smile that makes girls follow James around. But even with looks that make many girls want to take care of him and hug him softly, Remus always sees himself as less than he is, his self-confidence almost non-existent after years of childhood bullying. The fact of the matter is, Remus loves everyone, cares for everyone and is nice to everyone........everyone except himself.

Quiet and studious he often prefers the world of books to his own, something his friends don’t allow him to indulge in all too often. And finally, he is the voice of reason and the prefect badge that sits comfortably on his school jumper is the perfect addition to his calm character.